Sunday, November 16, 2008

Is vanity making me miserable

When I first set out on this quest to compete in a figure comp it was because I loved training, loved feeling strong and fit and I loved the discipline. Also because I found it really empowering to see how far I could push myself. I think it has changed now though and I am becoming more concered with being lean enough, and having a nice enough stomach and just becoming really vain.

Honestly this is much less fun. I can't train just to look a certain way. I know its about fitness etc too, but at the moment I think my main motivation is to look a particular way and its not a healthy or successful motivator.

I want keep fit, and keep my eating under control to stay healthy so I think I need to set a new goal. I might go back to the idea of competing if I can get the fun of it back. I think I have always had a fairly positive self image, but at the moment I really have one of the best bodies of my life, but I'm comparing it to something unrealistic and destroying how I feel about my own body.

I need to find something functional and fun to train for instead of bodybuilding. I would go back to circus except that is too intense for my body to handle and I want something a little more cardio based I think. Possibly kickboxing, or might just get into adventure racing or something for a while.

I know somehow I'm still keen on bodybuilding because if I meet someone else who is into it I can just talk to the excitedly for hours about it, but its just not working for me right now. Sadly I have a beautiful suit and shoes which I may never get to wear.


Becca said...

Jane! Don't quit now unless you know it's 100% right. Back in 2005 I quit 5 weeks into the diet for a number of reasons, and miserable because I didn't look a certian way was one of them. Now I look back and think it was just a weak state of mind because of the diet, and wish I hadn't given up. Now, I am preparing for my first show, and the diet begins in just over a month. If you can take it one day at a time, the whole pushing yourself thing can pay off. That's what I'm looking forward to. I know what you mean about the obession with a certain look, but I think as long as you know that look is temporary, for a figure comp. you can bounce back healthy and strong.

Great blog. I look forward to reading it.
Best of luck with your decision.

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